any thoughts of returning home as the glamorous new york daughter died at the airport: for the second time in two weeks, someone looked at my driver's license and asked me why i cut my hair. at my boyfriend's request, i said.

counter guy: and why would he ask you to do that...?

me: ...so no one else would want to go out with me?

counter guy: right!

and this was in a friendly tone. setting aside the fact that it would take years to get my hair past my shoulders again, who the fuck says that to a complete stranger?

having established that i'm one of those rare people who actually looks worse in person than in her license photo, i then sat next to a little punk on the plane who said i looked like kelly osbourne. gentle readers, i long only for death.

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