04.23.11: the dirty dozen {some questions i have for the neighbor with whom we share our southern wall}

01 what does one do while one pumps the techno at ten in the morning?
02 are you, like, wearing a bathrobe and eating cereal?
03 what kind of cereal goes with techno?
04 can i imagine it's count chocula?
05 can i imagine you are count chocula?
06 is there a real live lady in there with you, or are you just watching porn?
07 is this the same techno you pump at four in the morning, or do you have a dark-morning mix and a light-morning mix?
08 would you like us to hook you up with someone who could get you some higher-quality pot?
09 are you just burning cereal in there?
10 are you the result of some ancient offense to a minor long island deity?
11 is it possible to make things right with said deity?
12 i have to burn my what?


esb said...

is it okay that this might be my fave post you've ever written?

kidchamp said...

would you be surprised to learn that it's now twenty to six and he's still going for it? 

sara said...

oh good god...all day long?
how will you exact your revenge, exactly?

LPC said...

Plan and execute a terrible infestation for his place. Critters everywhere.

kidchamp said...

fire up my glue gun and affix a crawling plastic baby to his ceiling while he's out buying body spray, obvs. i call it The Trainspotting Defense.

anonymous said...

Apartments! Perhaps you could sneak Steve through his window and see what kind of havoc he could wreak in a short period of time?

The apartment next to ours is currently vacant, and we're trying to decide if there is a tactful way to ask the next tenant to put their bed on a different wall. We inadvertently ended up sharing a headboard space with our last neighbor, which made it constantly feel like there were three of us in one bed. Not in a good way, although she was a perfectly decent neighbor. We can't move our bed because of our closet.