i'll be closing the march issue of the magazine this week, so the epic posts to which you've become accustomed (oh hush) will have to wait until the middle-end of january. in the interim, twelve things (to be sprinkled across the next few days):

01 brace yourselves next tuesday (01.15), for i hit newsstands on page 8 of the new issue of the ladymag. it's not a large picture, but that's for the best, as i have a long and distinguished history of giving bitchface for posed photos, and no one wants giant bitchface. i managed to stay vertical on the photographer's wobbly box by popping my hip and my elbow, a la various amateur runway walkers on america's next top model, so that's my not-particularly-sassy arm erupting from the right side of my coworker's head. fashion!

02 101 in 1001: 049 get my damn wisdom tooth removed
my wisdom teeth are the yeti of the dental world: their existence has been debated for decades, as they seem to appear and disappear at will,* leaving only mysterious footprints and terrified mountain climbers in their wake. my new dentist got a rare photo of the troublesome one (so, you know, keep your eyes peeled for that on newsstands as well) and has agreed to pluck it out, which is such wonderful news that i feel like the masochist in little shop of horrors. that's fine; the prospect of not biting my own cheek is very exciting.*

03 we saw xanadu on broadway when my sister was in town (my vote was for pygmalion with claire danes or a few hours of the televised yule log at home, but i caved), and to my great surprise, it wasn't that painful - it reminded me of evil dead the musical, with roller skates standing in for the fountains of blood and glowsticks for (cough) boom sticks. the whole production came in at around ninety minutes, most of the songs were ELO's (many written for the 1980 movie, a few more brought in for padding), and we were given the aforementioned glowsticks. xanadu, you are fair-to-middling in my book. if we're going to continue adapting '80s cult movies for the stage, by the way, is it not time for labyrinth? david bowie will play himself, obviously. maybe ellen page from juno could take over for jennifer suddenly-too-cool-for-jim-henson connelly?

*do any of you have less than four wisdom teeth? i have but two on the left; something to do with being a lefty, perhaps? pseudoscience!


Meg said...

Two wisdom teeth, right here! Well, not here anymore, now gone thanks to a evangelical christain dentist who prayed for me as he put me under. Next time we have a drink with y'all ask me for that story, it's one of my all time greats. But I'm not a lefty.

lauren said...

ah, but were they on the left, on the right, or both? i was googling around about the mysteries of wisdom teeth but couldn't find much hard and fast info (though the sketchy helper monkeys at wikipedia were all about the etymology of the term).

hopefully that drink will be soon! we're still planning on making it out to the bay area this spring, ideally for a nice long trip (we have a hell of a lot of visiting to do).

babyjo said...

you only have 2? that's strange -- i'm pretty sure the rest of us in the fam all have 4 gems of wisdom.

you know, i talked to a few people the other day that had also seen xanadu on stage and they RIPPED on it! i thought it was an amusing show, and unworthy of being hated, so that was weird to hear. as far as labyrinth goes...i'm a little afraid that the finer details such as the worm ("come insiiiide, meet the missus!") and whatnot would get left behind. the bulge, however, probably would not.

jacob said...

i hate to ruin any pseudoscientific theories (especially about lefties!), but i have had two wisdom teeth pulled, one on each side, and have none remaining, at least that i can see. and i'm a lefty. then again, i didn't start losing baby teeth until well into elementary school, and have had, uh, issues with slow growing teeth. so maybe i have like 13 remaining wisdom teeth i don't know about.

meg - i will pry (heh) that story out of you in three weeks time over a beer at zeitgeist in sf.

sara said...

I am "sans wisdom", as all 4 were impacted & extracted several years ago. Teri, on the other hand, is another breed--she has none to speak of!

tom said...

I got four, including 1 which apparently has "subpacted" (or some similar dentisty terminology) the root on one of my (real) teeth.

Problem: it's sitting on a nerve. So taking it out would, in all likelihood, cause partial paralysis in my face, so that I can't feel my cheek and lip. I *like* feeling my cheek and lip. And so the wisdom tooth remains.

tom said...

P.S.: Juno? Oh my God yes. Although I will say that the indie world of films has had its fill of wistful soundtracks with the likes of (or, with) Belle and Sebastian and Cat Power. Beyond that, We All Know that Daniel Day-Lewis's deal is Oscar bait, but they should FedEx Ellen Page / starving writers their non-award-ceremony statues right now.

lauren said...

full disclosure, tom: i have yet to see juno (though i certainly plan on it, both because i agree that it'll come up at oscar time based on the diablo cody buzz and because i support jennifer garner whenever possible*); i just think ellen page looks the part, and she seems groovy enough to do it justice.

@all: man, so am i the only freak whose teeth came in on only one side? i'm going to cry myself to sleep on my huge (lopsided) pillow.

*i have not seen elektra. everyone has limits.

pica said...

I have no wisdom teeth on the bottom. Yet. They'll probably show up when I'm 50.

Meg said...

Lauren: Mine were both on the top, I think. What does that say about me? David, weirdly, STILL HAS ALL FOUR, fully grown in (which is weird), as has he has a "extra large head." Let the jokes begin.

Jacob: re: the story. God bless growing up in San Bernardino. Pun intended.

jen said...

unfortunately i was too late getting to this post to warn you that if you tell people you are going to get your wisdom teeth pulled, it automatically solicits any and all horror stories about the time that your friend's sister's boyfriend's cousin got his out, and everything was going along fine until the next day when his head swelled up...and so forth.

i know you're not the squeamish type, but i still recommend keeping a low profile until the deed is done. which, by the way, will likely be uneventful.

when i was working in the dental office a few years back i couldn't figure out why wisdom teeth had been such a big deal. when i was a teenager, getting them extracted ala oral surgery (general anesthesia, days out of school, getting to eat nothing but orange juice and ice cream, the whole deal) was like a standard rite of passage. but at the dental office where i worked adults walked in and were back out the door sans teeth in like 20 minutes. i was tricked.

for the record, i had all 4. my orthodontist said he'd spent too many years getting the rest of my teeth straight to allow for the possibility that the wisdom teeth might come in crooked and set the rest of the mouth cattywompus again. what i want to know is why he couldn't have taken my appendix out while they were at it.