perspective! there is comfort in knowing that my mood couldn't possibly be blacker than martha stewart's. my other boss, a former white house press guru, swears up and down that she's going to jail; i suspect she'll pay a staggering fine, but i know little about her judge's sentencing history. i confess that i'm utterly fascinated by the concept of a martha stewart prison shank. popular opinion holds that it would be purple and pink.

in more personally affecting news, i hope that the cerberus frog discovered by british schoolchildren will be fed fat houseflies and fanned with a cadbury wrapper rather than dissected and pickled for Science. he certainly didn't act on any stock tips.

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