05.22.02 where oft i sate

mom bought a house in davis this weekend. if my memory of the town and her description of the place are accurate, i think she'll love it - i know that she's wanted to live in northern california for a long time, and i'll be seeing a lot more of her in years to come.

i spasm a little at losing the house in laguna hills. i haven't really lived there for seven years, but my childhood nightmares were always about moving - my parents found that place when i was a year old. i planted my hands in the patio cement, walk of fame style, when i was a toddler - i would knock my wind out climbing and jumping down from the stairs for hours at a time - our first christmas tree sprawls across the corner of the yard now.

this may be one of the last stages of accepting my parents' divorce. it should have come months and months ago - feeling like a little kid, thinking only of threats to home and habits - but i made an unconscious point of reacting like an adult first.

i'll be glad for this feeling - backward or forward, it could mean that the cycle is complete. goodbye, house. i loved you.

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