the dirty dozen-ish {notes from my hometown police blotter, as reported by the oc register}*

Disturbance. 12:52 p.m. The caller reported a man and a woman making out on the grass and said it's not appropriate.
Illegal peddling. 7:36 p.m. The caller reported a man going door to door and arguing when he's refused.
Disturbance. 11:37 a.m. The caller reported an argument with 16-year-old grandson over a computer.
Citizen assist. 12:46 p.m. The caller said someone is spitting on his car every morning. The caller thinks it's a neighbor who lives behind him.
Suspicious person/circumstances. 7:57 p.m. The caller reported a boy smoking marijuana behind the electrical shed.
Suspicious person/circumstances. 8:00 p.m. The caller said people are possibly lighting something on fire in the park.
Vandalism in progress. 12:27 p.m. The caller reported a woman lying down on the bus stop and writing on it with a pink marker.
Disturbance. 5:45 a.m. The caller reported inviting a woman over and said she is now refusing to leave.
Suspicious person/circumstances. The caller reported someone trying to get into a wedding party as an uninvited guest.
Disturbance. 1:26 p.m. The caller reported a man eating yogurt, yelling about the government and using bad language.
Disturbance. 11:37 p.m. The caller reported loud people who have hopped the fence and are in the pool.
Disturbance. 10:39 p.m. The caller reported four people on bicycles being loud.
Defrauding an innkeeper. The caller said a man drank $100 worth of alcohol and left without paying.
Suspicious person/circumstances. The caller reported a drunken man sleeping in the planter. The caller said there are newspapers all around him.
Suspicious person/circumstances. The caller reported hearing someone knocking on the door twice. The caller's husband turned on the light and saw shadows.

*inspired in part by chelsey johnson's excellent incident reports from park rapids, minnesota.


Rachel said...

Eating yogurt is a shocking, criminal act, after all. So 1990s.

Amanda said...

You teally should cease and desist with the pink markers, Lau.

Amanda said...


lauren said...

honorary mention via jacob from an ancient edition of the palo alto daily news - mountain view, i salute you.

Anonymous said...

jacob says...

in addition, lauren reminded me of this accidentally anti-semetic menorah theft in state college, pa back in 2002:


LPC said...

I am such a slowpoke today.

These are real? Or Lake Woegone-style inventions?

lauren said...

these are absolutely real. i removed dates and street addresses (though it's public information, so that was probably unnecessary), and i chose my favorites, of course, but that's all the editing i did.

jen said...

i love this post.

rdela said...

this raises tantalizing questions like what was she writing on the bus stop with her pink marker?

lauren said...

@rdela this is laguna hills we're talking about, so it was probably something about younglife or taco bell.