101 in 1001: 040 have my palm read in a psychic's parlor [completed 05.15.08]

eleventh hour 101 in 1001

i've had the friendly neighborhood psychic (not this one) tucked away in the back of my mind ever since i discovered her on my birthday last year; really, what could be more painless than ducking out to see her on my lunch break? today was my very last chance to do so (list ends tomorrow!), so i headed over at about noon - and immediately chickened out. what if someone from the ladymag saw me going in? a psychic's parlor isn't as bad as a sex shop or, i don't know, a liposuction van, but i'm already the office eccentric; i don't need to make things worse. i also didn't have exactly $10 and didn't fancy the awkwardness of trying to figure out whether or not to tip. after much hemming and hawing and walking around the block, i buzzed - and got no response. the universe did not want me to see the mysterious mrs. king. i decided that if i was really meant to rock the ESP today, it would throw me another psychic. it did: this place materialized as i emerged from a thrift store with a sweet $5 candlestick. a good, lucky time to have my palm read (two annoying little boys who hovered outside muttering about wasting money notwithstanding). i toyed with taking off my wedding ring and, like, coating my hands with squid ink to confuse the reader, but decided to go in as i was and roll with what she told me. here, then, is what i learned.

- i will live to be 80 or 90, and my death will not be tragic.*

- i will write something important when i'm 40.

- joe is very stubborn. his way is the only way.

- joe is my soul mate.

- in two years, we will have two children.**

- i will get a promotion in august, but someone will try to block it.

- a 35-year-old man will try to make trouble in our marriage.***

- this will be the best year of my life.

- i will take a long voyage over the ocean.****

- there is a great deal of trouble on my left side.

- i have had my palm read before.*****

*thinking about that now, it's kind of insulting, no?

**i had to challenge this one; i told her i wasn't planning on having kids. she said i would realize that our relationship was just so wonderful that we had to have children.

***it's totally going to be someone from the darts team. they will steal joe! or maybe david blaine.

****hee. i followed up on this one, too: where? she didn't know.

*****i told her no, but she was right, if you count girl scout camp. no mention of life or love lines; i was simply told i was lazy (true).


tom said...

"in two years, we will have two children."

Of course, in cryptic soothsayer/bullshit-artist terms, children = small cute little things. Ergo, cats. Of which you have two already. Which solves that one.

"this will be the best year of my life."

And you are going to live to 80 or 90. So the next fifty or sixty years are going to blow by comparison. And the year is half-done already. That's no good.

sara said...

will you be writing a new "101 in 1001" list? curious...

lauren said...

still deciding, sara; i may initiate a bonus round to see how many more i can knock off before i turn 30 in october. how about you? yours wraps up like next week, yes?

tom, to be honest, i kind of figured the best year of my life (1999) was long gone, so - this would be good news? kids = cats is even better news, though; i quite like this household's size, to put it mildly.

sara said...

yeah, next week. with no further items to be crossed off at this point, i'm contemplating a list that will probably be compiled sometime post-graduation. it's been interesting and challenging, to say the least, but some of the most interesting/difficult things i've done with my life aren't on the list at all, you know?

Meg said...

Bonus round! Is a must. Yay! Then we can give you a celebratory birthday/bonus-round deluxe waffle on the Lauren-Birthday/boy-aren't-we-all-hung-over-from-Jacobs-wedding brunch.

But, more to the point, I'm so excited you did this. I've always been super curious about NYC psychics and they've always freaked me out, so now I know someone who has done it. Hooray. Of course in other news, being the teenager I was, I did/ had Tarot cards read all the time. I stopped in collage, but was actually freakishly good at it. Too good, in fact, that's why I stopped.

lauren said...

you're very sweet, meg, though i confess i'm considering sleeping in; my gift to myself on my 30th might be admitting i've always hated brunch (i know this makes me a terrible person).

i think the psychic thing was worth it (i was a little freaked out about it as well, so i feel like i took a wee phobia down) , though i should have let something other than location guide my pick; in my heart of hearts i wanted someone with fifty thousand earrings and hands that looked like talons. give me the cheese! on tarot, i finally gave my ratty old rider-waites away when we were in california last month. served me well, but like yours - too freaky.

Meg said...

Oh, I hate brunch too. But you have to let people fuss over you on your birthday.
Ack. I can't bring myself to give the cards away, not yet at least.