valentine's day mishap #5803:

i wanted to make red velvet cupcakes.

red velvet cupcakes pink cocoa muffins. a few years ago, i read an interview with some dark-haired hipster bombshell - dita von teese, maybe, or rose mcgowan - who bragged about how she made a kick-ass red velvet cake. i've never been any good at baking, but i took in the idea that spooky homemakers should specialize in red velvet cakes. i found a plausible recipe (from cake man raven, who seems like an expert), hit the grocery store for supplies on the way home, ran a few miles to excuse the consumption of a bunch of cupcakes, and...baked miserably, hooray! a ringer here at work urged me to replace buttermilk with evaporated milk, which sapped a bit of the cake's expected tang; joe then demanded a double helping of cocoa powder, which probably compromised sweetness. finally, i didn't buy nearly enough red food coloring and left the little guys in the oven a bit too long, so: pink cocoa muffins. joe has been steadily thinning the muffin herd (baked-good-lion-style) since last night, though, and they were meant to be his valentine's day present, so i guess that's something. happy fourteenth to you, internets: here's hoping your failures are edible.


babyjo said...

did i ever tell you we celebrate v-day by throwing a massacre party? i need costumes ideas -- it's tomorrow. last year i went as the queen of heart, the year before the devil. help.

p.s. no cream cheese frosting on les cocoa muffins?

lauren said...

i think you should go as the evil priest from indiana jones and the temple of doom who rips people's still-beating hearts out of their chests.* i...don't know how that costume would work, exactly, but carry around a big foam heart and people should get the idea (especially if chris has a big-ass bloody spot on his chest).

there is frosting, but we're assembling individually, both because i wanted to get the NotRed color in the photo and because, erm, the cold frosting is hard to spread photogenically. side note: the white background in that shot is our toilet seat, because the loo's got the best lighting.

*speaking of, the cats got one o'these for v-day (yes, i'm one of those creepy people who gives presents to their cats). can't you just picture chuck running around with it in his mouth? cuter than john mccain on a pillow.

Meg said...

Ok, I worked at Magnolia Bakery for a good stretch back in '02, and people would always come in and say "Ohhhh what is your secret? The red velvet cake is like eating the baby jesus wrapped in bacon!" The secret was a horrifying amount of red food coloring. The other secret was that not a single person on staff would eat it, because we were sure that it would give you a tumor or something, based on the horrifying input.