twelve things i probably didn't need to grab from the giveaway table at work (but have been hoarding in and under my desk anyway):

01 csi: miami the board game
02 "wickedly hot chocolate" three-in-one body wash, bubble bath and shampoo*
03 chardonnay napa valley wine jelly
04 your astrology guide 2008
05 too faced shimmer veils glittering eye gloss in "unicorn tears"
06 nature's pearl muscadine grape jelly
07 dr. hauschka's apis belladonna sore throat rescue
08 csi: crime scene investigation crime game booster pack #2
09 five feet of yellow grosgrain ribbon
10 green limited edition benetton chain scarf
11 guerlain golden lash top coat mascara**
12 mustard yellow mossimo "rock steady" purse

there are clear and often really creepy patterns here. shiny makeup, predictable for me (though not as it would have been a decade ago: now i'm a beady-eyed magpie, not a sparkly-faced alien). accessories in strange colors, less so: i adore green, but i never wear scarves, and i have a near-pathological need to carry the same purse every day. exotic, gross-sounding jellies: what? multiple csi-themed board games: what?***

*so, so gross. i always grab the food-scented stuff (i have a small collection of weird cologne spray freebies from demeter fragrance library so that, if conversation lags when we have people over, i can say, "hey, check me out smelling like a green tomato!"), and chocolate-scented things are always disgusting.

**which totally doesn't work! metallic mascara is a lie that breaks my heart every year!

***okay, joe and i are sort of fixated on david caruso as horatio kane on csi: miami. he is a force of nature.


Ma said...

Hey, I resent the 'so, so gross' comment on the food scented stuff! You passed me the Greek coriander body oil the last time I was there and it's positively awesome as a massage oil...(yeah, I know, tmi)

lauren said...

no, i meant the hot chocolate stuff specifically. the stuff i gave you was korres, as i recall, and that's one of my favorite bath brands: the fig body wash joe fixated on last year is theirs, as is the cedar body wash i dig. even korres couldn't make chocolate work, though.

tom said...

"Unicorn tears?" God damn. I'm gonna guess "bluish gray," but it pink, or yellow, or some God-knows-what color.

My sister interned once for a major purveyor of household cleaning agents. She was tasked for coming up with ways in which to market laundry detergent to the 18-25 demographic. I had no clue as to how this could be done, even conceptually. So I suggested going with the sarcastic, reverse psychology approach ("who cares if you look clean and smell good?).

She never told me what she did instead. Maybe it had some currency in her ideation sessions with her creative research team. Maybe it ended up on the custom-built Idea Dartboard and she missed. I don't know.

Thus and so with "unicorn tears," maybe. Somebody will buy it for the name alone -- as such, the name is good. Except, of course, if you have a soul.

lauren said...

@tom: unicorn tears are, apparently, dark platinum. welcome to the weird-ass world of cosmetic marketing; shortly after i made my list, i found a secret desk-cache of sparkly lip gloss in light pink [color name: "to see the world through rose-colored glasses (and stop waking up in a mad panic at 3am)"] and light blue [color name: "shimmering with sharks (for that competitive edge in work and/or play)"].

babyjo said...

regarding silly beauty products from your mag's giveaway table: i left the pumpkin 3-in-1 at big bear and am always pleasantly surprised when i take a shower and find it. i love that stuff. i also use 2 makeup products that i jacked from you on a regular basis (though i won't admit which they are because in theory they sound awful but in practice they work.)

wabes said...

color of unicorn tears = color of harry potter unicorn blood? ergh.

i heart my green tomato hand-me-down perfume, and my "because i am brilliant" bath beads, and my YSL lipstick (tastier than it is my color, but hey), and oh, especially, my "shanghai red" nailpolish. that was a coup.

being in the land of jo malone, i do think of you often. and plus, someone was wearing your (gaultier?) perfume the other day on the tube. it is still a tragedy that i can't have you, joe, and spitalfields market in the same dimension.