i've been meaning to post about practical problems lately (how to transfer my herb project to the fire escape?* how to wear long shorts without looking like a man?**), and in researching a story today, i discovered the site with all the answers. tell me, have you ever checked out wikihow ("the how-to manual that anyone can write or edit")? if wikipedia is a sign of the apocalypse, wikihow is at least one of the seven last plagues (darkness, and maybe giant hailstones). amateur strangers contributing advice, now! it is also the most entertaining site i've discovered in a while. a few of my favorite passages:

(from "how to air kiss")

For an extravagant, boisterous touch, exclaim a person's name with a smile as you approach. Since the air kiss is all about showing affection without actually giving it, this is another way to reinforce a positive interaction without physical contact.

(from "how to be cool")

Have good stories you can inject into the conversation. But don't use them just to look cool. Use them only when the conversation has right spot for them. Remember, cool people have many cool stories because their life is so cool.

(from "how to date a bisexual")

Remember that even though bisexual people are attracted to both sexes, this doesn't mean they are attracted to everyone. They have limits and standards, just like everyone else.

*the sprouts are getting too big for the baggies i'm using to cover them, but if i remove the baggies inside, the cats will eat the herbs; if i remove the baggies outside, the pigeons will eat the remaining seeds. i could buy a terrarium with a mesh lid to stick out on the fire escape (i priced them yesterday, and the setup would be like $15 total), but that seems a bit involved.

**emboldened by my short pants adventures this fall, i test drove the gap's long shorts (essentially slacks hacked off above the knee) yesterday. since i haven't actually seen my knees in a while, i'd forgotten how weird they look (big old soccer scars and so on). also, despite my zero tone program, i still have awkward calf muscles. i nearly shrieked "there's a man in my pants!" in the dressing room. stupid legs.


tom said...

After a political rally of some sort or another at White Plaza, an older Hispanic woman came up to me and said, "your pantorrillas are the biggest I have ever seen."

And thus went one of the only compliments about my body that I have ever received. And one that was actualy deserved. Yes, haters: it's true. My calf muscles are enormous. Deal with it.

Take pride in your calf muscles. Show 'em off. Anybody who wants to get into a stair climbing contest can back the hell off.

valya said...

how about using bigger baggies? would quart size fit? maybe cluster them all under a gallon size bag?

i'm still impressed that your seeds are sprouting. we tried the same kit once and ended up with... four pots of dirt.

Baby jo said...

for the record, you and em stole all the calf muscle genes floating around in the fam and left none for me. i actually have negative calves, if you can believe it. fork some over so that your poor little sister can stop wearing 4-inch heels all the time to make something of the scrawny mess she's got below the knees, okay? thanks.