ass adventure part i. though i had advance notice, there wasn't a lot of preparation on my end (la la). a week is too brief for anything other than emergency surgery, so i used a lot of lotion and hoped for the best. the studio was exactly what one would expect for a magazine shoot - oom-oom techno music, huge undulating white wall, post-industrial unisex bathroom - except for the underwear chamber, where every available surface was covered with jaunty panties (not thongs after all, but not much more). fun fact: it's virtually impossible to clench and stick your ass out at the same time. really, try it. after half an hour of acrobatics and having a stranger tug at my knickers, it was determined that i don't really have cellulite (which is not to say that i don't have ghetto booty - it's just made of something else). we looked at and discussed huge digital pictures of the ass, i smoked a cigarette of loathing, and that was that.

i want david bowie's "fashion" for the next shoot. or sir mix-a-lot.

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