blood gnome (1/2). at long last i've concluded what should have been obvious: B movies with awesome titles are really just excuses for soft-core porn. don't get me wrong, blood gnomes really are evil - in addition to lusting for human blood, they spoil expensive film, rewind and tape over important videocassettes, and send annoying instant messages full of all-caps threats. the problem is that they prey on members of the BDSM community, so almost every scene of gnome mayhem is coupled with fat cops getting play-whipped or bettie page's bargain basement cousins licking plastic daggers (aside to nathan: this was definitely shot in the valley). unquestionably superior to generic attempts like delta delta DIE! and slumber party massacre 3, but for pint-sized horror i'll always come home to the leprechaun franchise.

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