iv i've been cheating on my newsstand with a chain store that has us weekly (for work! for work!) on the shelf by 8 a.m. on wednesdays. when i felt guilty and mended my ways, newsstand man gave me a women's wear daily calendar he'd saved from yesterday's unsold issues. i was touched.

v the road to turducken: while i would never explicitly endorse meat-eating, especially in the case of chickens stuffed in ducks stuffed in turkeys (it sounds too much like "there was an old lady who swallowed a fly"), i think the black table's do-it-yourself columnist is my new internet crush. walking the public through a meat-rainbow-recipe is only the beginning of his gift - he also features guides to prison pruno (moonshine made of putrid oranges, canned fruit cocktail, sugar and ketchup) and homemade spinach cigarettes. what would johnny cash have said?

vi WPIX's yule log: as paris hilton's adventures in arkansas out-nielsened president bush's speech last tuesday, so does the yule log smash every bit of rival new-york-area programming on christmas morning. for those of us who don't have fireplaces (natch) or the inclination to buy a cheeky fireplace videotape from urban outfitters, behold! the footage seems to be on a ten-second loop - i've seen that ember before - and the accompanying seasonal elevator music is pretty horrifying, but i'm liking the 'log. if i get restless, i can always stick our groove tube on the television and have another enrique iglesias christmas morning dance party. last year was awesome.

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