06.24.11: the dirty dozen, part III

08 from helen simpson's "night thoughts," granta 115:
3:48 a.m.

And the media is so disparaging of men over forty, he thought; the way it zooms in on our paunches and spindle shanks, our pendulous earlobes. Another real worry was, he was developing turkey wattles. Ella had noticed it too - she'd called him jowly the other day, she'd pinched an incipient fold of flab while ostensibly chucking him under the chin.

Why can't there be some positive older role models for a change? he fretted. Wherever you went, images of young men in next to nothing were in your face, making you feel bad about your body. His route to work was tyrannized by giant posters of ripped abs, honed six-packs, buff biceps.

In a pathetic attempt to fight back, he'd recently been engaging in a spot of newsagent guerrilla warfare. Now when he bought his paper he made sure to stick some of his pre-prepared Post-it notes to the naked boys on the covers of the women's magazines - notes he had felt-tipped in advance with the words: WHAT IF HE WAS YOUR SON?

09 {sub-list: twelve sorts of person-spackle which are worth what one hands over for them}

i benetint rose-tinted lip & cheek stain ($28)
ii guerlain météorites pearls ($57)
iii lush ocean salt cleanser ($35)
iv chanel rouge allure ($32)
v l'oréal paris telescopic mascara ($10)
vi deborah lippmann nail lacquer ($16-$20)
vii revlon colorstay liquid eye pen ($9)
viii lather ultra light face lotion ($16)
ix tokyomilk absinthe no. 84 lip elixir ($7)
x maybelline colorsensational lipstain ($7)
xi estée lauder double wear ($32)
xii essie nail polish ($8)

10 from eudora welty's letter to the new yorker, march 15, 1933:
As to what I might do for you - I have seen an untoward amount of picture galleries and 15 cent movies lately, and could review them with my old prosperous detachment, I think; in fact, I recently coined a general word for Matisse's pictures after seeing his latest at the Marie Harriman: concubineapple. That shows you how my mind works - quick, and away from the point. I read simply voraciously, and can drum up an opinion afterwards.


There is no telling where I may apply, if you turn me down; I realize this will not phase [sic] you, but consider my other alternative: the U. of N.C. offers $12.00 to let me dance in Vachel Lindsay's Congo. I congo on. I rest my case, repeating that I am a hard worker.

Truly yours.


Amanda said...

I guess I now know how to write a jammin' cover letter.

kidchamp said...

apparently she did not get the job.

Amanda said...

I'd hire her.

anonymous said...

I have come to an inflexion point on makeup. I now think I know what I know. I can't decide if this is a good or stupid approach.

Amid Privilege said...

Guest was me. The vagaries of when I can have a name around here and when I cannot are too complex for me to figure out.

anonymous said...

esb here. can't be bothered to log in.

why is this titled "the dirty dozen"?

kidchamp said...

@amid: you mean as in you've learned what you needed to learn and you're good to go? that seems like a fine point to reach.

i feel a little strange talking about it at all, but since part of my job is to, you know, research and catalog makeup, i feel like the information has to go somewhere. it gets cakey if you pile it all in one place, and so on.

@esb: because it's part of an eventual list of twelve. it's just taking several posts to get there.