09.04.08: the dirty dozen, part III {lipstick}

10 i had to sign for a very heavy, very serious looking inter-office envelope from human resources the other day. "i'm handing out a bunch of these today," my mail guy said, his voice full of doom. alas, i thought, i'm getting fired. it's a ladymag dirty bomb (i imagined some forcible retirement in an explosion of tainted lip gloss; we've been watching a lot of the last season of the wire and the first season of the x-files*). actually, it was a box from a fifth avenue jeweler: it's my five year anniversary with the company. have i really spent a sixth of my life working for Big Media? i spent a few months freelancing after the unceremonious end of my career as their PR lackey (thank god; that was a dark year, to put it mildly), but i interned in '03, so - yeah, i guess that's right. weird.

11 our stable of print subscriptions is getting crowded: we puttered along with just the new yorker until last year, then a year's worth of free esquire jumped in, and now we're getting new york (not bad, but hard to keep up with on a weekly basis), readymade (cool, but it's getting auto-archived until i can put a stake in a few ongoing craft projects), iceland review, and now one story. per their "about" page,
One Story is a non-profit literary magazine that features one great short story mailed to subscribers every three weeks. Our mission is to save the short story by publishing in a friendly format that allows readers to experience each story as a stand-alone work of art and a simple form of entertainment. One Story is designed to fit into your purse or pocket, and into your life.
i just read my first story, thomas grattan's "foreign girls," and loved it; this newest mail-friend doesn't come cheap, but it's most welcome. i might start keeping a little fan of stories on my coffee table, provided that i can convince the cat to leave off puking on it (everyone's a critic).

12 hey, what's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? pits are adorable. i admit that i've been avoiding political conversations with non-liberals for the past few weeks (not cool to yell at friends, and i'm too far in the tank for obama to debate politely at this point); after sarah palin's faux-populist, condescending, phonetically teleprompted "there is no spoon" performance last night, i might have to start avoiding television, too. at the very least, i'm starting the election season equivalent of a swear jar: every time that woman's bullshit turns my knuckles white,** i'm dropping in more funds for the democrats. anger management. baby steps.

*it is horrifying, by the way, to go from the unstoppable pulchritude of smooth-cheeked young david duchovny on our tv at home to jowly sex addict david duchovny on californication billboards now in times square. he was only a few years older than i am in his early days as fox mulder; is that the sort of decline i can expect in the next decade? turning thirty sounds worse all the time.

**the safest option. a palin-themed drinking game would end badly.


tom said...

Actually, she outperformed last night. She kept her bible-thumping points locked away, far from the prying eyes of moderates. And she showed that she isn't going to stand in a corner and just look pretty; she wants to fight.

Which, mind you, is good news. She said that Obama would "forfeit" the war in Iraq. (The part of me that wanted to go van Gogh on my ears on that point is soothed by the fact that she didn't say a damn thing about Afghanistan or Pakistan, or that no Republican to date has brought up bin Laden yet.) And community organizing is mere piffle. And Obama hasn't actually passed any bills. And so forth. She threw down the gauntlet (through, oddly, a bunch of falsehoods) -- and now has to live with the result.

(Most astounding, this -- she did it knowing that Joe Biden is just waiting in the tall grass to tear her inch-deep portfolio and policy statements to ribbons.)

All the talk from Palin and friends, about how the media elite are sexist Eastern intellectuals that hate The Real America is not only hackneyed, but it is now simply yesterday's news (if it was ever truly news to begin with). She called out Obama/Biden. She wants to play the role of pitbull (with or without lipstick).

Fine by me. GAME FUCKING ON.

Meg said...

Whew. I really hope it is game on... though I have faith in Joe Biden. She did well, that's for sure. Feel for me - the only democrats I see on a normal day are David, my receptionist and friend at work, and well, most people I see on the street outside the financial district (I assume). It's rough.

But, on to the pressing issue WHAT WAS IN THE BOX? I need to know.

lauren said...

a gift card (thank you, fussy overpackaging!). i have no idea what to do with it: i'm not the audrey hepburn jewelry type, to put it mildly. i thought about inflicting a fussy crystal wedding gift on jacob and megan, but fussy crystal is no fun. i tried to trade it in to save the whales, but no go - it's spend or nothing. nice of them, but a head-scratcher.

Meg said...

silver baby spoon? silver baby mug? (for a baby I mean, not for you). We have both in the family, and they are pretty cool... with time, at least.

jen said...

i'm putting all my hope in the fact that Biden will eat Palin for breakfast in their VP debate. (when is it schedule for, does anyone know?)

working in the arts, i'm generally surrounded by like-minded liberals. so i was unprepared for the awkward moment last night when, at the bar after aikido with my marathon partners and several other classmates, it became clear that my very good friend Helen was NOT firmly in obama camp. what? what the hell?

it seemed like i was making progress with her when i pointed out a few gems like: 1) McCain has voted against equal pay for women, and 2) Palin supports abstinence-only sex education (look how well that worked for her family), and 3) McCain opposes gay marriage (all of which were issues that i knew something about where she stands).

i started to think that maybe she just hasn't been paying attention to the campaigns (as could be understood, she works full time, is a single parent AND trains with us for the marathon and in aikido), since she was agreeing with all my arguments against McCain.

then, just when i thought i was getting somewhere, in a reasonable, we're-all-still-friends-here diplomatic sort of way, she said something about obama's upbringing as a muslim and my head very nearly exploded all over the bar.

tom said...

Good God, Jen! Were you able to set her straight on that one? Please say yes.

(Oh, Multi-Purpose Doom was completely awesome. Sorry I saw it while you were up in Wisconsin.)

Hannah Mae said...

Oh god the Palin! I was out of town, not really paying attention, when it all went down, and I think I let my brief initial excitement - hey, either way, it's not going to be all old white guys! sweet! - persist a little too long. It took me til yesterday to really get mad at her, but then somewhere in the middle of the Salon "Palin or Bush?" quote quiz, my teeth started gnashing so hard I couldn't open my mouth. MAN.

In better pit bull news, last week in Brooklyn I met a whole lapful of pit puppies, including a gorgeous black brindle named Obama. (One of the other ones, McCain - destined for adoption and, one hopes, a better name - chewed up my new dress. I knew I didn't like that guy.)

anonymous said...

turning thirty sounds worse all the time?
Only if you remember 25.

lauren said...

oh, i remember 25 well - and i'm happy to let it go, though it had its moments. this puts me in the dangerous realm of just wanting to be 29 in perpetuity, which makes me like one of those women who's 39 for a decade, or a vampire. i believe stephenie meyer called that out in one of the twilight books, come to think of it: when bella was bitching about becoming older than edward, stuck forever at 17, someone noted that 29 is the age to start freaking about, or something.

...and this birthday is making me quote twilight. that can't be good.