things i appreciated about jury duty:

001 free internet / common use laptops in the waiting room. i didn't queue for one - still a bit traumatized by the Everybody Computer i used at my youth hostel in amsterdam - but hey, nice touch.

002 the soap in the ladies' room smelt of white gummi bears.*

003 the arts and crafts (by new york city court employees) exhibit in the lobby of the court building. and i thought i was eclectic. these people crochet wedding dresses for barbies, construct needlepoint villages, paint cyborgs, weld stained glass...awesome. i've never been to a gallery show that included artist factoids like "employee, queens criminal court." they need to put this stuff on a website.

004 an earnest note on the coke machine that encouraged jurors to shop around for water, as the bottles therein were a better value than those in the snapple machine across the lunch room.

005 getting to imagine that i was a law & order guest star as i climbed up and down the courtroom steps.

006 getting to embellish said guest appearance with my own L&O thunk-thunks and scene-change captions (QUIZNO'S, OCTOBER 30).

007 the excuse to buy a book (zadie smith's on beauty - fast-paced, decent).

008 serving my country while reading about lindsay lohan. democracy, i salute you.

*random aside: apparently "white gummy bear" is a secret order at jamba juice, a la the 'animal style' and '3-by-3' special burgers from in-n-out. "cranberry craze" would be one, too, but apparently the recipe disappeared with the menu listing. bite me, jamba juice.


tom said...

"democracy, i salute you."

I join the salute also. (Of course, jury duty for me was done on the day of Game Seven of the 2004 ALCS. It was a nice day to sit in a room and think about nothing, in anticipation of the day ahead.) I also salute "thunk-thunk." Best. Transition device. Ever. (Especially with wisecrack from Detective X immediately thereafter.)

As for John Kerry, I'm crushing his head. I know, I am the world's biggest pessimist. But, *Jesus Christ.* "It was a botched joke." Yeah. Problem is that the intended joke wasn't very funny either. He isn't that funny, period. And now he's started something that will lead us to ruin next week.

That flathead. [Crush.]

Seriously: what are the thoughts of the missus on said impending catastrophe?

tom said...

In my previous comment, I intended snarky quasi-tags in order to indicate that I was venting. (As in: [/vent] immediately following the comment.) They did not appear as such, and thus appear as scrolling the text, which is inappropriate. This was a mistake, and I apologize for it.

(See, Sen. Kerry? It isn't that hard. "I'm sorry my brain allows dumbass comments like that to flow from my stupid mouth." Try that on for size. Flathead.)

wabes said...

i'm up for jury duty next monday, and can only hope that i don't actually try to make the "thunk-thunk" noise or look for hottie benjamin bratt while i'm supposed to get voir dire-d...

tom said...

Actually, if I swung that way, I'd be totally all over Sam Waterston. (In fact, I might want to be on to him anyway. Seriously. The babes that are attached to his arm in the course of the series have been muy caliente.)

lauren said...

ooh, i forgot to add 009, speaking of voir dire - it's totally group therapy. i confessed to a jury of my peers that i was fired from my last job because "i wasn't very good at it." very cathartic.

T: inadvertent scrolling ain't no thing. as for the missus, i'll forward the question - he's at the gym (on halloween - such is the lack of fun in this flat).

W: just close your eyes and think of england.

(aside: commenting via blackberry is stripping years from my life expectancy. auto-cap is for suckers.)

enjelani said...

cranberry craze is no more? waah!
i, too, wish to crush john kerry's head.

valya said...

what does the "think of england" comment mean? i feel like i'm missing something...

jacob said...

(not trying to be pedantic here; i really was curious about the origin)


From _Dictionary of Catchphrases_ (1995) by Nigel Rees:

"close your eyes and think of England": traditional advice given to women when confronted with the inevitability of sexual intercourse, or jocular encouragement to either sex about doing anything unpalatable.

The source given for this phrase -- Lady Hillingdon's (or Hillingham's) _Journal_ (1912) is suspect and has not been verified.

jacob said...

the (suspect) attribution to Lady Hillingdon:

"I am happy now that Charles calls on my bed chamber less frequently than of old. As it is I now endure but two calls a week and when I hear his steps outside my door I lie down on my bed, close my eyes, open my legs and think of England."

lauren said...

this will sound terribly banal after jacob's exploration of "...england," but information wants to be free: i tried the gummy bear thing at jamba juice today, and lo! it worked. i think they gave me a cup full of sherbet, essentially, but it was sherbet for science.

on a loftier note, those of you who keep up with the missus and his political adventures can find footage of his congressional debate on youtube - search by his full name. don't blame me if you get a cup of sherbet, though.

sara said...

Go, (GI) Joe! I had to rewind and then stop the video from playing when I heard the word (not) "irregardless" from the opposing candidate. It's messed with me so much that I've started utilizing capitalization. And, the Internets knows I never do that.