“want to sample our new smoothie?” who doesn’t want to sample smoothies? monsters, that’s who. let’s do this.
“have you voted yet?” yep, but i like this democracy-in-action business. carry on.
“have you heard the good news?” frequently and vehemently, as i grew up in megachurch country in southern california; since you’re unlikely to chase me down the block to hand me that pamphlet, whatever.
“do you like to laugh?” yes, though i’m not sure what that has to do with times-square-adjacent standup. moving on.
“do you have a moment for the oceans / gay rights / homeless children?” i rarely carry cash and i’m not going to give my credit card info to some undergrad with a clipboard on the sidewalk. DISCONTINUE THIS, NONPROFITS.
“why don’t you smile?” because facial expressions are my signifiers, not your wallpaper.
“can’t you acknowledge a compliment? [crickets]
“you wanna – ?” wow, the dude i married hasn’t ever asked me that, and we’ve been together for fifteen years! points for novelty, you psychopath.


babyjo said...

See, this is why I still don't feel guilty for saying "Please don't give me more shit to hold" to that guy that time. WHO WANTS TO HOLD MORE SHIT?

We're going our separate ways on street smoothies, sister. I'm a monster.

lauren said...

you remain my hero for that. christmas at south coast plaza is no time for pleasantries.

ma said...

I'm assuming this doesn't include the occasional 'do you want to see a magic trick?' interaction, for which I'm going straight to hell.

lauren said...

ha! (ed note: my mother once ruined an adolescent magician's life by scorning him when we were having dinner at fuddrucker's in el toro.)

Rachel said...

Being on a college campus, I'm besieged with people wanting me to donate money/sign petitions/talk to them about various issues. I feel like a curmudgeon, but I've finally resorted to faking phone conversations in order to avoid them. It's too much for an introvert to handle, really.