people tell me things. i was at au bon pain just now getting a salad, for instance.

abp cashier: how are you doing?
me: not bad, and you?
abp: i had a friend stop by.
me: oh, that's good.
abp: no, a bad friend. someone i don't want to see.
me: you shouldn't have told him where you worked.
abp: no, not that kind of friend. a once-a-month kind of friend.
me: but national sexual and reproductive health awareness day was february 12. today you've simply confused me, and i'm about to forget to take a fork.
me actually: oh. oh. [forgets fork]

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