10.12.10 {go team wedding, baby jo edition}

suffering in so cal

day I, 0800h: after a late-night arrival at wedding HQ, we awaken to grueling weather and an atrocious view. it is excruciating.

hollow book

day I, 1000h: an argument concerning the proper way to hollow out a vintage book that is to be hand-painted and planted with succulents (and who should do so) yields my favorite mother-of-the-bride quote of all time: "look, i'm stronger than you, and i can fuck up my hands."

no idea

day I, 1200h: joe realizes his main duties will be to shop for food and alcohol and to stay out of the way.

careful hair, manicure, false eyelashes

day III, 0900h: i discover that the shortcut to an amazing bridal party makeup session conversation is to ask one's artist about her work in special effects. mine (chelsea) had just wrapped a film about cyberattacks and survivalists, so we got to skip over the magic of marriage and girliness and talk about continuity with bruises and gunshots ("most of the wounded died pretty quickly, so i didn't have to advance them too much from day to day"), blood sources (unlike my college roommate the stage blood factory, chelsea preferred to purchase stuff called myblood), and plausible vomit (one of the actors had to puke onscreen, so she had to whip up something that both looked right and wouldn't taste horrible*). i wear false eyelashes for the first time.

sealwatching (b/w)

day III, 1500h: as solo prep shots go down indoors, the bridal party turns to taking running starts and whipping tiny green apples** into the ocean from the balcony, a pastime which is significantly more popular with the throwers than it is with the purchasers of the throwers' engagement and wedding rings.

shot, shots (b/w)

day III, 1630h: the wedding party arrives for a shoot at turk's. formalwear and our giant box of bouquets confuse local barflies; we tell them we're carrying a body. i sip my shot instead of cowboying up for photos, for i am a mean old lady. an order of onion rings is tucked in the flower box.

day III, 1730h: a girl i've known since she was six reads the same wallace stevens poem paul read at our wedding in england. my baby sister is married.

doug and dad

day III, 2000h: stanford beats usc with seconds to spare. the bride's family gloats.

*apple juice, oatmeal, and mashed banana, if you were wondering. the vomit i mocked up as a child to try to get out of school, by contrast, was bread crumbs and vinegar, since i merely had to point at it.

**rejects from the Tiny Caramel Apple Dessert Project, a popular but grueling wedding craft that was farmed out to professionals at the eleventh hour. (we still had to provide the apples, which was a bit weird.)


rachel (heart of light) said...

Love the centerpieces and the bar shot, of course.

But where are you and your dress???

I fear false eyelashes could be addictive, but they don't mix well with alcohol and almost every time I've worn them I've ended up with only one eye adorned at the end of the night, leading to lopsided pictures.

kidchamp said...

these are all from my camera, and i was tied up talking to relatives for the entire reception; no time for ye olde mirror pic, for once in my life. i haven't seen anyone else's yet, actually - here's hoping it looked good? (i'll post a link when i have one.)

on the falsies, i asked her to apply just a few to the corners of my eyes only, which (according to our ladymag beauty pieces, at least) seems the safest way to put one's toe in the water. she used duo eyelash adhesive, which is the formerly surgical stuff all the beauty editors i know adore. that said, i totally found a couple on the bottom of my feet the next morning(?!). 

esb said...

@rachel EXACTLY. who cares about the bride?

kidchamp said...

the sister whose wedding she busted her ass to produce and drama-proof back in '06, for one. 

LPC said...


Amanda said...

1. We are glad you're back.
2. I would like to wear false eyelashes. 
3. How is it that you nail things so, always, all the time.

jen said...

re: being a stage blood factory -- it's simply a matter of economy. MyBlood runs $25/16oz. if you're doing sweeny todd-style fountains of blood, 10 shows per week, a 16oz bottle isn't gonna go very far.

i did find a stage blood reseller once that offered an automatic refill service, as though one were buying pet food or prescription medication.  that made me happy. but usually i make it up out of household ingredients. the marketing ladies get a kick out of walking through the theatre's lobby cafe (which doubles as staff kitchen) and seeing me stirring up a vat of the stuff.

however i love your tactic of skipping over the girly girl talk at wedding-related events. do you think i could use that for my next wedding shower or bachelorette party? just skip over the sighing-over-china-patterns part and ask everyone for a fake vomit recipe?

finally -- congrats to baby jo! and such gorgeous photos.

uncle paul said...

Did the bread crumbs & vinegar work?

kidchamp said...

yes and no; while i failed to convince her that i'd booted, it certainly contributed to her understanding of my lack of interest in going to school.