i never bought the idea of breakfast as the most important meal of the day. i figured it was propaganda from The Breakfast Industry, like how dairy farmers tell me every year or two that that consuming too much soy will make my toes fall off. why would i waste valuable shoe-choosing time on food when i've always been able to just have a cup of coffee and go? the women in my family who aren't bakers are endurance artists: we like to see how long we can go without eating, peeing, seeing the sex and the city movie* (hell will freeze over first), and so on.

new shit started coming to light this winter, when i developed a soft spot for the corporate cafeteria, of all things. it's good-looking to begin with; when storms make fun blue shapes on the glass roof and the giant space shrinks to pools of light around the early-morning fruit and frittata stations, it becomes a little fairyland (ladymag employees - and ladmag employees, for that matter - sort of look like forest sprites anyway, so there you go). i'd stop there for grapefruit juice just to have an excuse to check out the snow-ceiling; eventually i started getting juice every day, and last month i gave the scrambled eggs a try. presto, breakfast-craving freakishness! within a day or two, my body started expecting food in the morning. my little box of breakfast would make my stomach growl audibly on the elevator ride up to my floor, which must have endeared me to the forest sprites. i assumed that would be the beginning of the massive flab gain i expected after quitting smoking, but that's the kicker: i started losing weight, more quickly than i was while simply working out. so all that stuff about waking up one's metabolism is...true?

so my message for you, internets, is that breakfast is a good thing, which you already knew. in fact, i blame you for failing to convince me sooner. also, after eating scrambled eggs for like a month, i've hit a wall: any ideas? also also, brunch is still for suckers.

*can i weigh in on stuff like anthony lane's review and its infamous david hughes illustration** if i don't? let's chance it: both made me cackle, even though the former speaks fondly of audrey hepburn and the latter reminds me of chuck klosterman (he's illustrated CK's stuff in esquire).

** much has been made of how he uglies up gals (misogyny, misogyny!), but if anyone's to blame, it's the art director who gave him the assignment; hughes is gloriously grotesque as a rule.


tom said...

I, too, have been a first-meal-wheneverish kind of guy. Skipping breakfast at home maximizes sleep time (yes!). And once you're out the door, you'd have to fork over five bucks to have the privilege of, erm, eating.

But: the cafe downstairs sells bagels for $.99 (and plain ones if I get there early enough). Two of those plus office coffee equals breakfast on the ubercheap. And there may be something to the metabolism thing; I've lost a few (though, to be honest, it's kinda hard to notice, on a percentage basis anyway).

I figure that the problem with scrambled eggs is that, for the vegetarians out there, there are limited good options. Fruit cup would be, I guess, too brunchy. (And if the fruit cup comes in "light syrup" -- yeow. Kinda interesting as a second-grader, but icktastic now.)

I've found that the pancake/waffle/french toast family of goodness lacks something when provided by a commissary. Greasy spoon fluffy things? Hell yes. But they always come out overcooked and rubbery from office building serveries. Check the quality of the eggs you're getting tired of. If they're ok or better, take the plunge, but look before you leap.

tom said...

Oh: insist upon Vermont maple syrup. It's the very best there is.

(Paid for by the Vermont Maple Syrup Producers' Board.)

Meg said...

I love breakfast, though I'm dubious about brunch. I always have oatmeal (new discovery! you can make regular oatmeal in the microwave at work!) with apples and cinnamon in the winter, and fresh fruit (nectarines! peaches!) on top in the summer. Delicious, really good for you, and actually filling. Personally I have a little sharp cheddar on the side, but I need extra protein.

Lauren. Seriously. The Sex and the City movie was the most traumatic thing I have ever seen. Also? It put me in some sort of nightmare fear land about weddings. Awful, awful, awful. AWFUL. Everything... what are they selling? How to be horrible people and love it? I liked the show in its own sick way. But this. This! Was too much.

manda said...

i love breakfast...soooo much! yoghurt, seeds and berries are my favourite - try it :D

jacob said...

not that this is everyday breakfast fare for us, but the fage greek yogurt, which we top with granola and honey, is pretty fantastic.

for weekends (i.e., more time), irish steel cut oatmeal is good (w/milk and either (er, PURE VERMONT) maple syrup or brown sugar).

lauren said...

i think some combo of fruit and yogurt (brought from home, alas, not purchased in the pretty cafeteria - too expensive there) will be the next frontier. i thought i had a good thing going with low- or nonfat vanilla yogurt and granola - went so far as to scoff at joe and his full fat stuff - until he pointed out how much sugar was in mine. and HOLY SHIT, yogurt has more sugar than coke does. what the? so i will switch to low and plain, with fancy granola. shoes will be selected more quickly.

meg, i've thought of devoting entire posts to my feelings about SATC, and have used the excuse that the rest of the ovaried blogosphere is currently doing so as an excuse to take a pass. setting aside the whole question of whether or not i approve of its brand of materialism and sexuality, i've just never found the leads funny; SATC banter is lazy puns and lazier double entendre, which is kind of sad, what with carrie being a writer. ever see the SNL skit with christina aguilera as samantha, where she admits at the end that she's a dude? better than the actual show. my favorite line of the anthony lane review wasn't the closer, but his reaction to the jokes about samantha's dog: "mirth is unconfined."

Meg said...

I want to write SATC up from a wedding point of view, but I'm not sure I can take the potental wrath that might be unleashed upon my head by the throngs. Perhaps you are braver? But not brave enough to see the movie... is the issue. Smart though.

manda said...

is there a link to the christina sketch? i will have a dig around and see if i can find it...love that show!

lauren said...

@Meg: i could spare the two and a half hours of my life, and i don't mind watching pat field dress people as long as there's an eyewash station nearby; it's more that i'm voting with my wallet, if you will. SJP can earn her money the hard way, one ill-fitting steve & barry's tank top at a time.

@manda: voila.