05.18.06 [spoiler alert]

kidchamp HQ isn't the best party venue in town, as the bathroom is on the other side of our often dodgy bedroom, we have only two chairs and approximately eight square feet of table space, and the cats like to vomit on strangers. were we in the habit of throwing big to-dos, though, we'd certainly have one tonight. from gawker:
You see, Access Hollywood sends daily press releases plugging whatever will be on that night’s show. Tonight, it’s an interview with O.C. starlet Mischa Barton (who coincidentally used to date charming Brandon Davis). Well, that’s nice. Except that the email completely spoils tomorrow night’s season finale. IN THE SUBJECT LINE. No warning, no looking away, no escape — if you so much as glance at your inbox, Access is going to fuck up your Thursday.

Sure, the season’s outcome was rumored in a few publications, but to have it confirmed by the show’s star? Via Access, of all places? That’s just not right. It’s like when the Times spoiled Million Dollar Baby. Except more retarded.


From: NBC flack
To: Gawker
Sent: 4:14 PM
i'm virtually certain that i haven't passed the spoilage on to you, dear readers, as 1) jacob could be the only man alive who follows this site and watches the o.c., and $10 says he saw these rumors weeks ago, and 2) even i guessed that mischa would get it, and i'm so slow that saved by the bell twist endings used to shock me. all that, of course, is beyond the point - the point is that unless the spoiler hoax theorists on the television without pity boards are on to something, our bony little friend will no longer be blocking a small sliver of my view of newport beach on thursday nights. zounds!

since you can't all make it to the HQ, i declare this space the virtual mischa barton deathwatch party. predict how marissa will snuff it!* tell us, courtesy of seventeen's quiz, which o.c. character you most resemble! most importantly, raise a glass at 9 pm: skeletor, we hardly knew ye.

*best guess gets my august 20, 1990 issue of us weekly. cover lines include harrison ford: presumed cool and spike lee: why is he so angry?


sara said...

i'll bite, but i don't buy it: apparently i'm most like "summer". whatever she's like.

as for mischa, her mom slowly kills her by poisoning her food over time because she doesn't want to see her suffer from cancer. oh, wait, that's "sixth sense".

jacob said...

yes, i saw the spoiler, but i didn't even tune in until the last three minutes, where i heard yet another "hallelujah" close yet another "o.c." season. what caused the mischa car wreck? (and i'm not talking about her acting. zing!)

i am who i most despise - love me, i'm a marissa.

lauren said...

if it's any consolation, j, i'm anna. normally i wouldn't mind being associated with samaire armstrong, but she had a she-mullet in this season's rhode island episodes. my high school class was right - brown really does make you gay! the "hallelujah" cover (also spoiled on the TWoP boards, not that hearing that song in a tragic prime-time episode can ever really be a spoiler) was imogen heap's. i think you should have to guess how the car wreck happened.

sara, that works surprisingly well in this context as well. julie cooper could have juiced marissa to keep her from running off to greece with her dad; mini cooper, in turn, would totally pull a heathers if big sis threatened her plan to "rule harbor."

in unrelated news, the show's official site currently features the following poll:

Which school would you most like to attend?

Rhode Island School of Design
UC Berkeley
UC Chino

jacob said...

a) what, UC Riverside not good enough to represent the 909, so we have to create a fictional UC Chino?
b) "I went to UC Chino - I majored in wrong side of the tracks"
c) I haven't watched in so long I barely remember this Volchek character who ran them off the road.
d) I'm sort of frightened by the jacob/oc connections: jewish public defender father who lives in newport + girlfriend who gets into brown w/boyfriend following. however, i do not believe my stick figure drawings will secure me a place at risd.
e) I turned in my dissertation to the committee on tuesday. huzzah!

sara said...

immogen heap RULES! i saw her earlier this year and was blown away: her voice is so beautiful!

personally, though, y'all know way more about plot points then i do when it comes to "the oc". ask me about las vegas, or the apprentice, or the office (omg! the office! jim & pam! hello?) and i'll be able to stand on my own feet...

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer said...

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know, I'm definitely not Summer. What the hell?

lauren said...

yay, jake! we'll have to toast you this weekend.

YOMANK, caveman. are you still in tokyo? i need to send you wedding spam.

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer said...

The unfrozen caveman lawyer has now moved to London. Where is the wedding? Also I'd like to say kudos to myself for suggesting the comments, and kudos again.

lauren said...

the wedding's in oxford, yo. august 20. you are required.